So I’ve missed some entries cause I’ve been feeling like poop. I’ve had what is probably a minor sinus/respiratory infection for a few days now and unfortunately so has the lil one, though not as bad thankfully. I also think he’s teething again and probably has one or two molar buds pushing up. That means I feel horrid and so does he so I’ve had to put on a smile and dance for him, so to speak, which is doubly exhausting.
I’m thus taking the time to blog from my phone while I nurse him to sleep. It’s a chance for me to simultaneously soothe him, rest, and write all at the same time! Go me.
Anyway, today I sound super froggy. It’s kind of obnoxious having a messed up voice. And of course it hurts coughing which is the cause of the stupid sounding voice. I’m glad I’m not streaming today!
I’ve been playing FTB Infinity Evolved Minecraft on the server @NPReno plays on stream. It’s absolutely ridiculous as most of you probably know but it’s extra insane for someone like me who just doesn’t play Minecraft much, modded or otherwise.
Sure I’ve played MC on and off for a while but I’ve never gotten very far into it, so choosing to play this is essentially like jumping into the deep end of the pool… More like jumping off the back of a cruise ship into shark invested waters with a sharp stick for defending myself lol. So far I’ve got my house and small farm built, plus a mine going with a smeltery, coke oven and blast furnace. No machinery yet but minor n reno were nice enough to give me a hammer n some other tools so I can now mine way faster so things should get rolling.
I’m actually pretty damn impressed I’ve gotten this far to be honest. Probably the farthest I’ve gotten in any of the servers I’ve been on lol How lame is that?! Anyway, time to rest and relax a bit. Cya next time!
I never had many viewers and even though I’ve got followers it’s one of those things where nobody actually shows up when I do stream (on the random occasions it happens). But there’s a lot of connections I’ve made through streaming and meeting other streamers the i miss. Granted I still maintain some of those connections but they’ve all become pretty infrequent.
Of course most of that is my own fault I guess. I’ve not kept up with people since I had Leto. Its a hole most new moms fall into and I can totally understand why. It just becomes even more effort to reach out too others when you’re being exhausted by a little human your responsible for. And either your friends pick up your slack or the conversations just Neville less and less frequent. And sometimes there just die out all together.
It’s one of my goals to start streaming again at least once a week, hopefully starting soon. I’m hoping that I’ll get some people to show up and chat while I play. Really kills two birds with one stone for me. I get time to play a game and i get some socializing!
I’ll also be trying to pop into and actually chat in other streams again. I’ve been lurking in a lot of streams still but I’d like to engage again. This part I’ve already started working on. In the last 24 hours I’ve stopped by and talked to 31st least 3 people during their streams so that’s a start! 😛
Rather than do some sort of “resolution” thing I figure it’s more practical to make a list of goals I’d like to accomplish before the end of 2016. This way I can really hone in on a lot of specific things and everything is measurable, plus it’s more rewarding when I accomplish tasks and less of a let down when I don’t because I can always keep them in mind and try again.
So far I’ve just been brainstorming and later I’ll actually break them down into categories with priorities in each so I’m able to improve different sections of my life. But I wanted to share a few of the ones I’ll really be going full speed at.
I’m sure I’ll have a massive list by the time I’m done but for now, it’s less than a page long. Hopefully it’ll be a really productive year and I’ll be able to look back at a lot of check marks!
I knew before having a child my life would change quite a bit, especially my ability to have down time and be able to game. Even before I have birth my lil one had cut into my game time severely because of the pain I was in with my super loose ligaments and shifty pelvis for two months before he arrived. It’s been almost a year since those two days of labor and I will say I’ve probably gamed as much in that year as I would have in a month pre-motherhood.
Some of that is due to the move, some due to the seven weeks I spent alone with a tiny Leto, but most of it is because until recently he’s demanded my attention pretty much every waking moment (plus many of his sleeping moments too). I’ve taken every opportunity I can to do other things like get some designing done or work on some projects of mine and I’ve managed to squeeze in some game time here and there too.
Luckily in recent months it’s been a bit easier to squeeze in a match of league (ARAMs only) while he plays next to me or is taking a nap in his swing. And I got to play EQ with my brother for a while late at night while Leto slept and i had horrible insomnia. I even got to play a little Black Desert Online for their first beta test recently.
But in general I’m still on constant baby duty, teaching him to walk and clap and say mama. Since I can’t seem to get much time to get any real work done it’s become my job to simply ensure he continues developing at his current accelerated rate. And I’m alright with that. It’s way better unlocking new skills of his than any game achievement could ever be. And so long as I can still play every now and then I’ll be sane (well, as sane as I ever was).
As time goes on he’ll need my constant attention less and less. I’m glad he’s already getting to an age where he can play by himself at least for little spurts, an hour here, thirty minutes there, and it seems like he’s getting back on some semblance of a normal schedule after all the traveling we’ve done recently.
Soon will come the balancing act of doing work in those grew moments I actually get to myself and doing something for my own enjoyment. It’ll be tough since honestly, being a full time, fully engaged, hands on, mindful parent is freaking exhausting. When you get those few moments you want to have some fun, play a game, read a book, take a shower by yourself – but sometimes you’ve gotta put on another worker bee mindset and do some chores, write some code, try and make some money… It’s a rough ride!
Here’s to finding some balance this year. To productivity and perhaps some extra income. All while still getting in my family time and game time. Where’s my wonder woman suit….
So we’re kicking off this new year a day late for the #365DoB (days of blogging). I don’t feel bad really considering there’s an extra day this year and I’m feeling like butt anyways. So too bad!
Anyways, as you can guess from the hashtag I’ll be participating in the 365 days of blogging challenge here at TDO. That means you’ll be seeing me posting a lot more frequently, considering I’ve not posted at all in months. I’ve decided to drop my personal blog and just combine everything to do with ME and not business here at TDO. Though I’ll be keeping the baby posts to a minimum because this its not a mommy blog even if I am a mom and I’d like to continue maintaining this site for my audience of viewers, gamers, and coders.
I’m hopefully going to be blogging at GeekInside.Us too now that I know it’s not gonna disappear. And perhaps a few other sites for guest posting. But I’ll also be opening up a new site for blogging about all this paper and planning stuff I’ve gotten into plus the tie in to my upcoming Etsy shop. However those posts will be less frequent than here at TDO so it should be easier to manage and put out better content.
If anyone has any requests for things they’d like me to write about be sure to comment or tweet at me! Not only would it be helpful but it’d make things mood entertaining for y’all I’m sure. I have a habit of falling into the daily life type blogging which even I get bored with very quickly. Especially now that my life is pretty much the same day to day.
Anyhow… I’ve got a lot of goals inn mind for this year that I’ll be sharing in a separate post. I think they’ll all be attainable with enough effort but realistically I doubt they’ll all be completed this year. So long as my high priority ones are seen to I’ll be happy. Hell so long as I actively work towards completing them I’ll be content.
2015 was a rough year to be honest. While it could’ve been worse it held some brand new challenges. Between the baby, a death in the family, not being able to see my family much, and a big international move it’s had many overwhelming moments. Luckily I’ve managed to make it through relatively unscathed and without any long bouts of depression or debilitating stress/anxiety. That right there is an accomplishment all its own. I’ve managed through two long periods of essentially single parenthood too, as well as being alone in a new place where I know nobody – again.
I hope 2016 brings lots of new opportunities and that I can embrace all of the things life with inevitably throw at me and make the very best of it. Here’s to a fun and productive year of learning and growth!
First let me say, holy shit it’s been sto long since I last posted. As most of you know I’ve been busy raising a handsome lil boy and moving internationally back to the US so ya. Anyway lets just dive in, k?
I spent my afternoon today watching YouTube videos from a few people who are primarily League of Legends content creators. And a lot of them had to do with the recent event concerning Dunkey, a very well known LoL YouTuber, who has given up playing after it became no longer fun to play and his behavior got him a smack from the rito ban hammer.
Now I don’t care to comment on his situation. What sparked this post was parts of his video and others concerning his situation that brought up the frustration of playing League that leads to toxicity. And this is something I’ve thought about discussing before but never really went ahead and did it, but here I finally am so bear with me.
Let me preface what I’m about to say with the honest statement that I too rage at League. I have a foul mouth and I can tilt with the worst of them. BUT here’s where my mentality differs from 90% of the people I have encountered n the community:
I do not surrender.
With the exception of 1 or 2 situations, I do not surrender. And this is more than just the actual in game surrender mechanics. I mean mentally that I do not surrender; I do not say a game is lost until they’re smacking my nexus , everyone is dead, and the defeat art shows on my screen.
This is in direct contrast to the mentality of the majority of normal League of Legends players (aka not pros). There are so many LoL players who give up before the game has even begun. They’re in champ select like omg this comp is retarded we lost. Now I’ll admit I’ve said things like this before but never with sincerity. I’ve won some matches with absolutely ridiculous compositions of both champions and item builds that on paper should have never worked all because I got at least two other people on my team who didn’t give up.
And I really feel like it’s this negativity that is the root of most of the toxicity amongst members of the community. Rather than being flexible and going with the flow, people get so attached to the meta, to winning a particular way, to all sorts of dumb shit that they don’t step back and realize that their attitude plays a huge role in whether they win or lose.
Your attitude affects your own level of play first and foremost. More importantly it affects your enjoyment of the game. Secondly if you’re vocal it affects your team mates ability to perform. Whether it’s just telling someone what they should be doing or verbally trashing them, it’s distracting both parties from what they should be focusing on in the match. (Obviously this excludes constructive criticism) And of you are fighting internally you’re giving your opponent even easier opportunities to roflstomp your team.
Now, I know there’s lots of people you get stuck with at all levels of play who just do dumb shit or just plain suck art the mechanics of the game. I get it. But once again it’s possible to win. Its always possible. I’ve had matches where we’re outnumbered in kills by three, four, but more times yet still win because the other team starts throwing. I’ve no joke been in a match 9-40 in kills and won simply because I was allowed to backdoor through a lane and murder their base because the enemy got cocky and thought I wasn’t a threat.
Sure, those kinds of games are rare and they take a long time to wear down the enemy. But just because something’s difficult doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Not does it mean it’s worth being a toxic player over.
I hear so many people say they wish the community was different yet none of them bother correcting their own behavior or mindset to help achieve that goal. I’ve been a League player off and on since closed beta. Its a game like any other that you can and likely will burn out on. You simply take a step back and come back when the spark shows up again. And believe me, if you’re anything like most league players it won’t take long for that addicting to start itching.
So TL;DR, stop thinking and acting like a douche bag, put on your happy pants and just enjoy the fucking game. And to make out easier, find positive people to play with.. Believe me, we do exist.
It’s been a month since I wrote anything here, though in all fairness the last post did explain why. I’m still not in any groove or schedule to be streaming consistently, nor do I have the energy when I do end up having the time. I’m finally finished with my day job and I’m into my last week of class – oooh yay finals! – so I hope to have some more time soon.
I plan to devote some of that time to making video content. Some of it will be on my personal YouTube, some on my gaming YT, and some will be live on Twitch (both on my personal channel and the clan channel). I’m hoping that I’ll be able to record plenty so that I can schedule videos to continue showing after I’ve gone into labor and am recovering. Obviously it’s not likely I’ll want to do anything but be with my bundle of cuteness and let my body repair itself for a couple weeks after that so I’d like to have a store of content to push while I’m “gone”.
I’m still active in other people’s channels, on forums and social media in the meantime. Be sure to follow all those things to stay up to date on what’s going on with me from day to day!
The title really says it all: I’m getting rid of the idea of a schedule. At least for the next 3 months. I’m 60 days now from my projected due date and I’m guessing I won’t be any type of groove until a month after that. SO in the meantime I’ve decided I’ll stream whenever I can (read: when I feel up to the task). It’ll be random and as usually it’ll be announced on Twitter.
I was really hoping I could be a bit more consistent with it but the reality is that my body is just all over the place and I’m trying to focus on school, getting work/business stuff sorted, and getting my home and family ready for Leto’s arrival. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to really get the stream off the ground 3 months from now, but if all else fails I’ll be able to really hunker down and focus on it in July/August next year after we’ve moved to our new station (wherever that is) and I actually have a dedicated office space again.
We shall see!
Thank you to everyone who’s been supportive despite my ‘flakiness’ when it comes to a schedule. To those of you who show up at the random ass times I stream, know that it’s extremely appreciated – even if you just lurk or leave the tab open. It’s always noticed <3
Sooo…. within the last 24 hours my Twitter feed blew up with talk about yet another streamer who seems that have a severe focus on their cleavage cam. Now, the main argument seemed to revolve around Twitch’s new Rules of Conduct and there’s a lot of confusion in the community about the difference between that and the Terms of Service. Let me get this sorted first – the amount of cleave cam is in no way a violation of either ToS or RoC, technically. It is impossible to police something in this very gray area without taking a very firm stand on the specific issue, which Twitch smartly refuses to do as an entity and leaves it up to their communities to either accept or shun. In most cases it’s accepted – Kaceytron’s the most prominent example.
I can’t really say anything about this new girl yet to be honest. I personally couldn’t sit in her stream today – I feel like crap and that plus the insanity that was going on in her chat from both perverts and haters alike was just too much. But on a calmer day, perhaps I’ll give it a try. Personally I don’t 1. like boobs that big (real or fake) and thus don’t care to have my focus drawn to it and 2. I don’t think ANY female streamer should present themselves that way. #1 is pretty self explanatory – I just don’t find it attractive. I’m sure lots of people do but I do not. I have huge boobs myself and god, I can’t imagine having any bigger. Reason #2 is a different story for ease of explanation.
There are two main ‘mass produced’ and distributed perceptions of female gamers: dumpy and slutty. Even worse it’s almost usually smart and dumpy, aka unattractive, fat, etc, and dumb and slutty. Like all stereotypes there is a nugget of truth, but it’s the two very small outer edges of a very wide spectrum of gamers who happen to have a vagina. There is also the notion that a lot of female gamers, on YouTube or Twitch or in photos or wherever, use their bodies to bring themselves attention – and I don’t mean subtly. I mean by being as revealing and overtly sexual as possible.
These two things combined are why I hate seeing cleave cams.
And before you even try, anyone who knows me at all knows I’m about as far from a prude as a plankton are from a pack of starving velociraptors in threat level. I’m exceedingly open about all things, especially in the realm of sexuality. But that’s beside the point. The point is that I don’t want to ‘make things worse’ by perpetuating the thought that females can’t just be good at games or capable of being entertainers with a huge fanbase without showing their ‘goods’ off.
I made the comment about this streamer in particular that her boobs, not her cam – her BOOBS in the cam feed, took up 1/8 of the video real estate. The rest of her cam made it so that the cam was about 1/4 of the screen. That’s all well and good but that + her huge boobs = 0 focus on the game, which is supposed to be the point of your Twitch stream with the exception of when you’re doing things like unboxings, podcasts, or talking about gaming content.
In comes the argument that – well if you don’t like it, don’t watch it. True enough. But what happens when the actions of others impact your life and how people form their immediate reactions when they think about a category of individuals you are a part of? I don’t like the fact that there are other streams out there that allow certain kinds of content. Point in fact – I hate being in several big streamer channels because of their lax enforcement or complete lack of rules that discourage people from being complete trolls or pervy creepers in their chat. I love them as casters, I think they produce fantastic content, but I can’t bring myself to be an active participant in their channel or even fully recommend it to my friends some times.
And maybe that’s just me and a large boat load of other people I know feel the same. I hope she takes the suggestions I’ve seen pointed at her to wear something other than a V-neck shirt that shows 10 miles of cleavage. I’d honestly like to see if she’s actually worth my time to watch, as a person and not as some object the trolls & pervs flock to.
What are your thoughts on the matter?